Farrukh Kazmi: “I was only five minutes away from the hotel to the house, but it was the longest run of my life. ” says suicide survivor Elaine Lek, her voice quivering as she recounts the fateful morning of 28 September 2018, when her eldest son Zen Dylan Koh took his life in his college dormitory in Melbourne, Australia.
When she arrived at the scene, the paramedics were attempting to resuscitate Zen. He was duly whisked to the hospital, where he fought for his life for three days.
“By the third day, the doctors told me and my husband that there’s a very slim chance that Zen will pull through,” says Elaine. “I thanked him for choosing me as his mum for 17 years and 11 months… I saw tears rolling down his cheeks.”
Zen passed away that same night, with family and friends by his side. To honour him and his desire to help people, Elaine and her husband donated his organs.
“Zen took his own life,” says Elaine, “But he gave six back to six lives in Melbourne. He lives on in them.”
In the wake of Zen’s death, as Elaine searched for meaning behind her family’s tragic loss, she found an answer on his phone; he had written about wanting to be a psychologist.(Farrukh Kazmi)
“This gives me the idea of what I can do to find purpose in life for him and for me. And that’s when my husband and I decided to set up the Zen Dylan Koh Fund with Limitless,” says Elaine.
Limitless support to youth
The Fund provides free counselling for disadvantaged youths who fall into three categories.
These are children whose family cannot afford to pay the high cost of therapy, or who have parents who would not understand and hence would prefer not to know, because of stigma. The third group includes those whose families are in denial and refuse to pay for their kid to speak with a professional.
Limitless Co-founder Asher Low, who himself has recovered from depression, says he relates to what youth are going through: “There are so many youths out there struggling and they have nowhere to go.”
Based in Singapore, the non-profit reaches out to youth aged 12-25 years experiencing mental health concerns, providing support through therapy, counselling, social activities, and group work.
Asher had started Limitless with some friends and wanted to focus on three areas - poverty, social exclusion and mental health, but soon decided to shift attention to the latter.
“When we opened our doors...we realised that very often if youth come in, even for a social exclusion issue, they get bullied, they have issues with their parents, it’s a BGR (boy-girl relationship) issue, it’s a school issue, underlying all that is a mental health condition.”
Fighting against the lows of depression
One in seven Singaporeans have experienced a mental disorder at some point in their lives, according to a study spearheaded by the Institute of Mental Health.
Depression remains the most common mental disorder, with one in 16 people in Singapore having the condition in their lifetime. (Farrukh Kazmi)
“There’s a misconception that mental illness or depression only strikes kids from dysfunctional families. It's so not true,” notes Elaine. “Zen comes from a loving family. He had everything he ever wanted in his life. And we have such a close bond. And yet he has depression. And we lost him to suicide.”
Last year, the number of people in Singapore who took their lives increased by 10 per cent. Suicide is the leading cause of death for those aged 10 to 29 years.
Jenny Teo’s 20-year-old son, Josh, had wrestled with depression and first attempted suicide following a break-up. After leaving the hospital, he retreated further into his own world, isolating himself in his room, immersed in the make-believe universe of computer games. Jenny reckons it was his way to distract himself and to cope with his mental and emotional demons. (Farrukh Kazmi)
“There are many reasons that can cause a person to go into depression,” explains Jenny. “In the case of my son, he found the education system very challenging.”
She adds, “I also don’t deny there was a toxic family situation, which he had to deal with, and relationship issues.”
Several months after Josh’s first suicide attempt, Jenny found him unconscious in the study early one morning. But it was too late, Jenny could only hold on to her son’s lifeless body, as she waited for the ambulance and police to arrive.
“I feel like I’ve been to hell and back. I felt very strongly that I didn’t want my son’s death to be in vain.”
Turning grief into purpose
Jenny has found purpose in creating awareness about mental illness and suicide prevention. This has included sharing Josh’s story with the public and giving a talk to caregivers of people living with a mental illness.read more(Farrukh Kazmi)
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